Jac (jacbar) wrote in partnersoftsmen,

a recent issue

My boyfriend is 18, and I'm 21. We're both in college, and this is the first vacation that we've been at our respective homes. I'm close with my family, but he's had a pretty rocky relationship with his, especially now since he came out to them as trans (which just happened 2 weeks ago). I'll be flying to visit him on Wednesday, and then we're going to take a vacation on our own (among accepting friends and family).

I'm having trouble dealing with this on the periphery. I want to do anything I can to support him, especially because his family has been nearly unbearable. But his parents respect me, and I think my talking to them about some of the things they're worried about might help. He's okay with that, but at the same time, he often needs to shut down emotionally so that he can deal with them -- but then I have an emotionally absent boyfriend for a few days. Or we spend so much time talking about what's going on with him that I feel like a therapist and not a girlfriend. We're both pretty well-balanced, putting the other's needs in front of our own (so that my concern is what he needs and his concern is what I need), but his needs are just stacked so much higher right now.

So, I guess what I'm asking is how others have gotten through this part. I know that if I force myself to take a backseat while it's hard, I'm going to end up getting bitter (I have a tendency to be a giver, and I'll lose myself in the support I give him) and I cherish our relationship too much to do that. Any input/experience would be much appreciated.

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